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Drug & Alcohol Lady calls a Teen
Telephone ringing twn

Category

Prank Call

Prank Caller

TheGoldenPhone2

Soundboard(s) used

Drug & Alcohol Lady; Duncan

Victim

17 year old girl; 15 year old girl

Length

8:40

The Drug & Alcohol Lady called a teenage girl, who was apparently home alone with her sister judging by the loud swearing, several times. It got a little out of hand and Duncan took the phone.

TranscriptEdit

Call #1

(phone rings)
Teen: (coughs a bit) Hello?
Drug & Alcohol Lady: Hello?
Teen: Hello?
Drug & Alcohol Lady: Hello?
Teen: Hi?
Drug & Alcohol Lady: What are you callin' Drug & Alcohol for?
Teen: Pardon?
Drug & Alcohol Lady: Do you need to talk to someone on Drug & Alcohol?
Teen: Who is this?
Drug & Alcohol Lady: Why are you calling under Drug & Alcohol?
Teen: Are you serious right now?
Drug & Alcohol Lady: You called before and called the other operator a bitch and everything, now this has got to stop.
Teen's sister: (in background) It sounds just like some crazy old lady.
Teen: Alright, next time I get this phone call, I'm calling the police, because this is a load of crap. We've had this happen before...and we don't appreciate it--
Drug & Alcohol Lady: (interrupting) Same how the same fuckin' numbers. I don't know what you're talkin' about because you're callin' Drug & Alcohol. Ain't nobody callin' you.
Teen: Why am I...why would I call Drug & Alcohol?! Because I'm an addict?! Yes, I am an effing addict! NO! Are you kidding me?! I am...17! I don't...do that stuff! But, thanks again and...call my house...and I will call the police. Good day!
Drug & Alcohol Lady: You don't drink?
[*End of call*]

Call #2

[*Phone rings*]
Teen: Hello?
Drug & Alcohol Lady: Hello?
Teen: Hello?
Drug & Alcohol Lady: Hello. Drug & Alcohol.
Teen: Are you serious?
Drug & Alcohol Lady: What are you callin' Drug & Alcohol for?
Teen: 'Kay, I'm calling the police! This is retarded! Stop calling my house.
Drug & Alcohol Lady: I don't know who you're callin'.
Teen: I'm calling the police, I'm not calling you! No one has touched our phone this morning!
Drug & Alcohol Lady: Bring it on!! Come on, you're bein' taped!
Teen: YOU!!!!!
[*End of call*]

Call #3

[*Phone rings*]
Teen: Uh...hello?
Drug & Alcohol Lady: What are you callin' Drug & Alcohol for?
Teen: I'm not.
Drug & Alcohol Lady: YOU ARE!!
Teen: Okay...seriously?! Police are getting called! Stop calling my house!
[*End of call*]

Call #4

[*Phone rings*]
Teen: Hello?
Drug & Alcohol Lady: Why are you calling under Drug & Alcohol?
Teen: CALL...MY GODDAMN HOUSE...ONE MORE FUCKING TIME!!! I'M GOING TO COME AND KICK MY FOOT SO FAR UP YOUR ASS, YOU AREN'T GONNA MOVE!!!
Drug & Alcohol Lady: I wish you would come and get your hands on me, honey!
Teen: Oh, my God! You are a 50 year old fucking lady! Stop pretending that you are 13 and fucking immature, buddy!
Drug & Alcohol Lady: Bring it on!!
Teen: [unintelligible] Do something with your life, asshole!!
Drug & Alcohol Lady: Come on and do it now, 'cause I'm waitin' for ya!
Teen: Oh, my God! Who the fuck are you?!
Drug & Alcohol Lady: I'm not...you motherfuck yourself, 'cause I don't call you!
Teen: Buddy...you're the only person...who has called our house this morning.
Drug & Alcohol Lady: You called before and called the other operator a bitch and everything, now this has got to stop.
Teen: So clearly...you need to stop smoking acid...and get a fucking job! Why don't you call Drug & Alcohol hotline, asshole?!
Drug & Alcohol Lady: You're nuts!
Teen: I'M nuts?! No...I think you're nuts, buddy!
Drug & Alcohol Lady: What?!
Teen: WHAT?!
Drug & Alcohol Lady: I did...what?! Excuse me?
Teen: Yeah! Yeah!!
Drug & Alcohol Lady: You're gonna get me what?!
Teen: You're...go home. Like...who the fuck do you think you are?
Drug & Alcohol Lady: Uh...right, I'm a fuckin' bitch.
Teen: [*sarcastic laugh*] Uh...yeah you are! Let's see...you've called our house four times this morning...uh...in what, I'd say about...an eight minute period. Do you even have a goddamn life? Like seriously! Be constructive! Do something!
Drug & Alcohol Lady: Motherfucker. Motherfucker. Motherfucker!
Teen's sister: Oh, my God! You guys...I am SO scared of you!
Drug & Alcohol Lady: Bring it on!! Come on, you're bein' taped!
Teen: No...you're a 50 year old lady...with no fucking life...shut up! 'Kay? Stop calling my house.
Drug & Alcohol Lady: Excuse me?!
Teen: Excuse me?
Drug & Alcohol Lady: Wh-wha-what are you cussin' me for?
Teen: Because you're...you're stupid! You keep calling my house... You're...you scared my little sister last time you called... So why don't you just stop...get a life...or I'll call the police, okay?
Drug & Alcohol Lady: Bring it on!! Come on, you're bein' taped!
Teen's sister: (in background) SHUT UP!!!!
Teen: We're being taped? Taped? What do you mean by taped...like a tape recorder?!
Drug & Alcohol Lady: Come on and do it now, 'cause I'm waitin' for ya!
Teen: 'Cause you're such a little puss?!
Drug & Alcohol Lady: Same how the same fuckin' numbers. I don't know what you're talkin' about because you're callin' Drug & Alcohol. Ain't nobody callin' you.
Teen: We're calling Drug & Alcohol...because we have drug and alcohol problems, right?
Drug & Alcohol Lady: You don't drink?
Teen: Like I'm a...17 year old child--
Teen's sister: I'm a 15 year old!
Teen: I'm pretty sure...I'm not fucked up like you, so...
Drug & Alcohol Lady: Why are you calling under Drug & Alcohol?
Teen: ...I'm pretty sure...we all aren't under the influence of some drug or alcohol right now...like YOU...because...you're a 50 year old calling a fucking...house full of...kids right now.
Drug & Alcohol Lady: Do you need to talk to someone on Drug & Alcohol?
Teen: Like, seriously? You have...you have...you have no life, like seriously?
Drug & Alcohol Lady: Uh...right, I'm a fuckin' bitch.
Teen: What is your problem? What is your problem?! Why the hell do you keep calling our house?
Drug & Alcohol Lady: You're nuts!
Teen: DON'T...you DARE say that we're calling you! Do not even THINK about saying that it's us calling you!
Drug & Alcohol Lady: Something's the matter here... You called before and called the other operator a bitch and everything, now this has got to stop.
Teen: ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?!?! YOU'RE THE FUCKING BITCH THAT KEEPS CALLING OUR HOUSE!!
Drug & Alcohol Lady: I'm not...you motherfuck yourself, 'cause I don't call you!
Teen: Motherfuck? That doesn't make sense, buddy.
Drug & Alcohol Lady: Oh, fuck myself in my asshole, might feel pretty damn good.
Teen: Yeah...you go fuck yourself up the asshole!
Teen's sister: You're so fucking high off of your fucking acid and your...goddamned weed and shit!
Drug & Alcohol Lady: Cocksucker!
Teen: What...what is your life's goal? To...find your next hit?
Drug & Alcohol Lady: Uh huh.
Teen: Man! My life's goal is to go save some kids in Africa...and Ecuador and Kenya! Not to go find my next hit!
Drug & Alcohol Lady: Do you need to talk to someone on Drug & Alcohol?
Teen: So why don't you...no! Listen! Why don't you SHUT UP? Okay? Go bug someone else...and go get high, asshole! Because we're sick of you fucking calling my house! Next time you do, I will fucking find out where you live...and teach you a fucking lesson!
Drug & Alcohol Lady: You got my cellphone number?!
Teen: I have your cellphone number?
Drug & Alcohol Lady: What?!
Teen: Is...what are you saying?!
Drug & Alcohol Lady: You're nuts!
Teen: Oh, my God! You're...absolutely ridiculous, lady!
Drug & Alcohol Lady: What's the problem?
[*End of call*]

Call #5 (final)

[*Phone rings*] Teen: What?
Drug & Alcohol Lady: What are you callin' Drug & Alcohol for?
Teen: Oh, my...GOD! I'm coming to your house and fucking kicking your face in, because this is fucking retarded! Five phone calls...in ten minutes! This is bullshit! Call here again and I'm calling the fucking police!
Drug & Alcohol Lady: I wish you would get your hands on me, honey! I wish you would kick my fucking ass, motherfucker!
Teen: I didn't say kick your ass, you fucker! I said kick your teeth in! So guess what?! This is a goddamn recording...stop calling my fucking house!!
Drug & Alcohol Lady: Bring it on!! Come on, you're bein' taped!
Teen's sister: (in background) Oh, my God...
Teen: Recording?! Are you serious?!
Drug & Alcohol Lady: Motherfucker!
Teen: Who's the immature little kid that's fucking...playing these goddamned recordings...trying to freak us out?!
Drug & Alcohol Lady: Bring it on!!
Teen: [unintelligible]...we can see that this has happened before!
Drug & Alcohol Lady: You're nuts!
Teen: Umm...we know it's...who this is...because it's coming from the same fucking number. We'll get the police to tap your goddamned number and press charges on your sorry little ass.
Duncan: Hello, you stupid motherfucker, you!
Teen's sister: (in background) Ho! Now he's a guy?
Teen: Oh, my God! I'm so scared, you're so tough!
Duncan: This is Frank Garrett.
Teen's sister: (in background) Please! Why don't you come over here and kick our ass? Please!
Duncan: Now listen you stupid son of a bitch, I never called you before! And goddammit, you...pick about every third day to call me, so fuck you!
Teen: Maturity! It's a great thing. I love it!
Duncan: Did your mama let you out of your cage again, goddammit?
[*barely audible conversation between Teen and her sister in background*]
Teen: Who are the immature little shits that are calling my house with this number?
Duncan: Frank Garrett.
Teen: Frank Gary?
Duncan: This is Frank Garrett.
[*barely audible conversation between Teen and her sister in background*]

Duncan: I'm just fine! Ya know somethin'? You must have the wrong number. HELLO! Hello.
Teen: Hello?
Duncan: You son of a bitch, I thought you'd died!
Teen: Is this the dru--the alcohol and, uh...drug, uh...hotline?
Duncan: That's what I said, yeah.
Teen: Well...umm...go fuck yourself!
Duncan: Hey, let me tell ya how I feel: fuck you!
Teen: Mmm hmm, fuck you.
Duncan: Listen ya tongue-tied son of a bitch, ain't you got something better to do?!
Teen: I'm glad that I...talk to fucking recordings, because the person behind this...won't fucking talk for their selves.
Duncan: They let you out of that nuthouse again, you stupid motherfucker?
[*Teen's sister talking in background*]
Teen: Scared little shits that can't fucking grow a set!
Duncan: Did your mama not give you any toys to play with...when you was young?
Teen: Your mama not give you toys...when you were young, to play with?
Duncan: Do what?
Teen: Oh, my God! You're fucking ridiculous...I hope you die...and burn in hell, okay?
Duncan: You're real tough, ya hide behind these goddamn telephones...why don't ya come down and see me?
Teen: Fuck YOU...and everyone fucking behind this. 'Kay? Goodbye.
Duncan: Stupid son of a bitch, you! I'm gonna get you one of these days and break your goddamn neck!
Teen: [*hangs up*]

[*End of call*]

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