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Drunk Girls

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The Drunk Girls Trio (often referred to simply as the Drunk Girls) are three female college students, Ashley, Lauren the Drunk STD Girl, and Drunk Girl 3, who were called at the infamous Harpo's payphone by the YouTube prank caller Nomadcowatbk in Spring-Summer 2009.[1]

Ashley Edit

Ashley
Ashley
Common Depiction of Ashley

Age

Unknown (20s)

Nationality

American

Residence

Columbia, Missouri (presumably)

Ashley answered the pay phone at Harpo's bar in August 2009. As a constituent of the "Drunk Girls" trio, her soundboard frequently calls the same pay phone alongside Lauren and Drunk Girl 3.[2] She is in a sorority along with her two friends.[3]

Lauren the Drunk STD GirlEdit

Lauren the Drunk STD Girl
Drunk std girl
Common Depiction of Lauren

Age

Unknown (20s)

Nationality

American

Residence

Columbia, Missouri (presumably)

Lauren the Drunk STD Girl is a constituent of the Drunk Girls trio and the most frequently employed Drunk Girl soundboard. She answered a call by the Pissed-Off Waitress to a payphone at Harpo's Bar in Columbia, Missouri.[1] Lauren stumbled through most of her sentences while ironically mocking the Pissed-Off Waitress for allegedly doing the same, and continued to reiterate her inability to understand ebonics.[4]

JustineEdit

Justine
Drunkgirl3
Common Depiction of Justine

Age

Unknown (20s)

Nationality

American

Residence

Columbia, Missouri (presumably)

[5]Justine is one of the most commonly used Drunk Girl soundboards, usually in conjunction with that of Lauren the Drunk STD Girl and often Ashley as well.[6]

QuotesEdit

AshleyEdit

  • "I'm Ashley."
  • "Hey girl."
  • "And, um, my sorority sister said that's kind of gross that you're the one to spread it among, amongst the people .. that's really gross. I mean that's kind of selfish. I mean, I don't know how you feel."
  • "Because that's really nasty that you're spreading it amongst your sorority sisters. I'm just throwin' that out there."
  • "It, it's not very nice that you spread it to everybody else."
  • "Get your ass on down here, down here to ... um ... the bar. We'll talk, more then what you want to, we WILL talk. March your own ass down here and bring your fuckin' sorority girls. I have no problem telling you how gross that is that you're one to SPREAD IT. And nobody else here feels the same way ... that you're willing to spread it. That's kinda' gross."
  • "Hey fuck you! I TRADE for the bar, ok?"
  • "I know! And that's the embarrassing thing that you're fucking carrying something that's so ... gross ... that we would need to shut down the bar. I would be embarrassed too, ok?"
  • "And second of all, it's not very nice that you spread it to everybody else but that you spread it to your own .. sorority girls.
  • "I'm not the asshole that's goin' to spread it."
  • "It's not very nice that you spread it to everybody else."
  • "One call from the Health Department and they'll ASK YOU ... and they'll, and you'll tell them, and they'll say, um, that's kind of fucking report it. So I'll just make it up."
  • "When you get a chance come on down here. Come on down here."
  • "Ok, sweetheart?"
  • "Bitch you really need to keep your shit straight."
  • "I'm fucking ... SOBER. And I've had two degrees, unlike what you have, 'cause obviously you wouldn't even be asking ... a girl whose sitting there in front of a bar what her experience is. But go ahead."
  • "Oh! I love you so much."

Lauren the Drunk STD GirlEdit

  • "Harpos!"
  • "This is Harpo's."
  • "It's a bar. You wanna' come? It's really fun."
  • "Um, Lauren speaking."
  • "Yes!"
  • "Denny's? This is Denny's?"
  • "Why did you call Harpo's?"
  • "Don't you call me a bitch!"
  • "I have no FUCKING clue what you're talking about!"
  • "I don't speak Ebonics!"
  • "Listen...listen I don't understand Ebonics."
  • "We, we have an Ebonics translator here for me. So he...you tell him what you're saying. He'll translate it and turn it into white terms. There you go."
  • "I tried a man who said he could translate Ebonics. And then...I had an African-American woman come up to me and I'm like yes .. you translate. She has no fucking clue what you're saying."
  • "Listen. If the black girl can't understand .. I dont know how any of us can."
  • "If you could just speak english this would make it so much easier on me!"
  • "I feel awful. I feel really awful."
  • "And I have red hair. I am whiter than you know!"
  • "Yo momma this."
  • "Does it pee, when you pee does it burn?"
  • "Do you have anal warts?"
  • "I'm talking about your "anal regions"."
  • "I'm guessing that if you went to the doctor you'd probably have AT LEAST three STDs!"
  • "Because ... you seem like you'd fuck anything that'd appreciate you!"
  • "My Mom is giving blow jobs ..?! No! There's no way."
  • "Blah, blah, blah..."
  • "You need to see a doctor. I am not ... pre-med or anything but I hate and I'm just gonna' tell you that most of them have herpes."
  • "I would just say with your herpes and sex jam .. I heard the word herpes. That's all I heard."
  • "I think that you're ok then!"
  • "I...I adore you. Of course we adore you."
  • "I'm gonna' say that .. you're just makin' shit up!"
  • "Are you gay?"
  • "I'm assuming that your drunk which makes it even better."
  • "Wh-why do you keep calling a PAYPHONE on a Friday night at 1 o'clock in the morning?! Please tell me that."
  • "Helloooo!"
  • "You are, you are still on the phone. I can still hear you but not know what you're saying! But please continue talking. This is totally amusing for me."
  • "Your calling here is a fucking JOKE!"

JustineEdit

  • "Why don't you come up to Harpo's?"
  • "Say it again!"
  • "You're...you're gay.
  • "If you're gonna be nice and take your clothes off, why don't you come down to Harpo's."
  • "Ass fuck."
  • "Fuck you, fuck you, and fuck you again"

ReferencesEdit

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