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Duncan Calls a Pissed-Off Canadian

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Duncan Calls a Pissed-Off Canadian was the first call to the Pissed-Off Canadian, in which he received a series of phone calls from a soundboard of Duncan. In the first call, he remained silent after briefly introducing himself, and from the sounds in the background, seemed to move outside. In the following calls, however, he more than made up for such, continuously talking almost without stop, making numerous threats of violence and homophobic remarks, as well as clucking like a chicken twice.

Transcript (Part 1)Edit

[*Skype Dialing Tone*]

[*Phone Rings*]

Pissed-Off Canadian:Hello, Frank Garrett speaking.

Duncan (Soundboard):Hello, you stupid motherfucker you!

Pissed-Off Canadian:H- [*Cut off by Duncan*] What...?

Duncan (Soundboard):Hey you dumbass, don't you have something better to do with your time?

[*Pause*]

Duncan (Soundboard):HELLO?!

Pissed-Off Canadian:I'm s-... Hello...?

Duncan (Soundboard):Well, you'll probably be getting a visit from the FBI, buddy. Keep a calling and making a damn nuisance of yourself, and we'll see.

Pissed-Off Canadian:I can't here ya, what are you saying?

Duncan (Soundboard):Oh you god damn stupid son of a bitch, you! Can you understand this: Fuck you! ... Hello?! ... Hello?! ... Now listen you stupid some of a bitch, I've never called you before, and god damn it, you pick about every third day to call me, so fuck you!

[*Loud Static in Background*]

Duncan (Soundboard):Hello?!

[*Hangs Up*]

[*Skype Dialing Tone*]

[*Busy Signal*]

[*Phone Rings*]

Duncan (Soundboard):You son of a bitch, I thought you died!

[*Phone Rings*]

Duncan (Soundboard):You son of a bitch, I thought you died!

Pissed-Off Canadian:Look buddy, if I ever get a hold of your little scrawny neck, I'm gonna choke it until you can't breathe anymore...

Duncan (Soundboard):(Interrupting) Come get me you god damn, ignorant son of a bitch, and see what happens!

Pissed-Off Canadian:... So you call me once more, you little shit, and I'm gonna come after you really hard. You understand where I'm coming from?

Duncan (Soundboard):(Interrupting) Come get me you god damn, ignorant son of a bitch, and see what happens!

Pissed-Off Canadian:'Cause you think you're pretty ... you think you're hiding behind that phone? I'm gonna tell you, there's ways to find out who you are, and then I'm gonna have... I've got some people out there, who'd just love to cut... just, choke that little chicken neck of yours...

Duncan (Soundboard):(Interrupting) Listen you tongue-tied son of a bitch, ain't you got something better to do?

Pissed-Off Canadian:... until you can't breathe anymore. So you'd better just watch who you're calling there, Fucko, or I'll be coming after you like white on rice.

Duncan (Soundboard):I don't give a shit!

Pissed-Off Canadian:So you just have yourself a good night there, boy-boy...

Duncan (Soundboard):(Interrupting) Hey you stupid son of a bitch, I've never called your house!

Pissed-Off Canadian:You call me again, and I'm gonna make sure I'm gonna get a hold of you!

Duncan (Soundboard):You're the one who called, you ignorant bastard you!

Pissed-Off Canadian:And I'll tell you, old man, you'll wish to hell... You're gonna meet hell, and you're gonna be kissing the ... kissing the ... kissing the neck of the Devil.

Duncan (Soundboard):I don't give a shit!

Pissed-Off Canadian:So just keep it up, boy! Keep it up, and I'll fix you!

Duncan (Soundboard):(Interrupting) Hey you stupid son of a bitch, I've never called your house!

Pissed-Off Canadian:You'll wish to hell you never even knew my [unclear]. You call me again there, fucko, [Duncan interrupting: What you want to find out I don't much want to talk to you, motherfucker!] and I'll see what we can do to you... I've got your phone number now, and I've got it traced, and I'm gonna get you!

Duncan (Soundboard):Ok!

Pissed-Off Canadian:You got it?!

Duncan (Soundboard):I don't give a shit!

Pissed-Off Canadian:So you... OH YOU DON'T GIVE A SHIT?!... oh, well, enjoy life while that short life you've got left there, chicken boy.

Duncan (Soundboard):Come get me, you god damn, ignorant son of a bitch, and see what happens!

Pissed-Off Canadian:(Interrupting) 'Cause any time you wanna come to see me, you come over here, and we'll have a little chit-chat, ok?

Duncan (Soundboard):Why don't you come down and see me?

Pissed-Off Canadian:I'll dance all over your face, you ugly ... creep!

Duncan (Soundboard):Why don't you come see me?

Pissed-Off Canadian:So you find somebody else to bug, you ugly ... creep!

Duncan (Soundboard):Can you understand this? Fuck you!

Pissed-Off Canadian:You understand this up, boy. Keep it up, keep it up!

Duncan (Soundboard):(Interrupting) Hey you dumbass, don't you have something better to do with your time?

Pissed-Off Canadian:And I'm gonna come on you like white-on-rice. Do you understand where I'm coming from? You're nothing! You're just some kind of a weirdo!

Duncan (Soundboard):Come get me, you god damn, ignorant son of a bitch, and see what happens!

Pissed-Off Canadian:Come on, make my day. I'll tell you what: You come on down tomorrow afternoon. [Duncan: Ok!] You come down to the corner of 14th and Smith. Show that little lily-white face of yours, and I'll show you what I'll do to it. Ok? How 'bout that?

Duncan (Soundboard):[*Clears throat*] Did you think that up while you was in the closet masturbating or something?

Pissed-Off Canadian:(Interrupting) Let's make a date tomorrow. 2 O'clock tomorrow, on the corner of 14th and Smith. You ready for that?

Duncan (Soundboard):Yes!

Pissed-Off Canadian:Are you ready for it there, big boy?

Duncan (Soundboard):Yesh!

Pissed-Off Canadian:'Cause I'm gonna walk all over your face. Do you understand where I'm coming from?

Duncan (Soundboard):I don't give a fucking shit!

Pissed-Off Canadian:(Interrupting) 'Cause little shits like you don't deserve... They just deserve to be STAMPED OUT!

Duncan (Soundboard):(Simultaneous) Hey you dumbass, don't you have something better to do with your time?

Pissed-Off Canadian:So why don't you just go jerk off somewhere and ... and stay out of other people's lives...?

Duncan (Soundboard):(Interrupting) [*Clears throat*] Did you think that up while you was in the closet masturbating or something?

Pissed-Off Canadian:Do you understand where I'm comin' from? 'Cause I'm calling SaskTel tomorrow, and we're gonna get your phone disconnected, [Duncan: Ok!] and then I'm gonna come get your name, and I'm gonna come looking for you!

Duncan (Soundboard):I don't give a shit!

Pissed-Off Canadian:No, you don't?! Well, then you don't have any value of life, do you, boy?!

Duncan (Soundboard):[*Clears throat*] Did you think that up while you was in the closet masturbating or something?

Pissed-Off Canadian:... are ya?! Do ya, little boy?! You're just a little slime, hiding behind the phone; what kind of a man are ya?

Duncan (Soundboard):Come get me, you god damn ignorant son of a bitch, and see what happens?

Pissed-Off Canadian:Are you a queer? You gotta be a queer or a steer, and you don't sound like a steer to me, so you must be a queer!

Duncan (Soundboard):Hey you dumbass, don't you have something better to do with your time?

Pissed-Off Canadian:Do you get your rocks... do you get your rocks off talking to people like this? Swearing at people? Is that what you get off doing?

Duncan (Soundboard):Yes!

Pissed-Off Canadian:What kind of a slimebag are you really? [Duncan: I don't know.] Who else do you call? Call people that just hang up...? [Duncan: Yes!] Who are you?! What's your name?! Give me your name there, slimebag.

Duncan (Soundboard):This is Frank Garrett!

Pissed-Off Canadian:Or is that what you are: slimebag queer?

Duncan (Soundboard):This is Frank Garrett!

Pissed-Off Canadian:What are you?!

Duncan (Soundboard):This is Frank Garrett!

Pissed-Off Canadian:What are you, queer man?

Duncan (Soundboard):This is Frank Garrett!

Pissed-Off Canadian:Are you a queer? Do you get your rocks off talking to other men...?

Duncan (Soundboard):Duncan Construction!

Pissed-Off Canadian:Is that what they do for... for excitement? You must be a queer!

Duncan (Soundboard):[Repeating 'Duncan Construction!' in background]

Pissed-Off Canadian:What does it feel like to be a queer? So you like being a queer, huh?

Duncan (Soundboard):This is Frank Garrett! [*Static Noise in Background*]

Duncan (Soundboard):Hello! ... Hello! ... Oh fuck you! ... Oh you god damn stupid son of a bitch, you!

[*Hangs Up*]

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