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Duncanism

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Duncanism
Duncan messiah
Depiction of Frank Garrett as a Messiah figure

Category

Miscellaneous, Prank Call Parody, Religion

Duncanism is a monotheistic religion based on the often-decontextualized sayings of Frank "Duncan" Garrett, among whose fans it developed. A parody of Christianity, the religion holds Frank to be the messiah; the sole lord, savior, and judge of mankind. Following the development of Duncanism, the soundboard of the Jesus Lady was altered via splicing to promote the new religion (e.g., "The Blood of Frank Garrett is against you!"), and several calls were made which featured her attempting to convert unsuspecting households. Whether Frank, himself, was ever aware of Duncanism is unknown.

The Ten Commandments of DuncanismEdit

Duncanism has its own Ten Commandments, the wording of which has changed over time and is based on some of the more famous among Frank's many humorous and witty quotes.

I. Thou shalt not giveth a shit.

II. Thou shalt put no strange construction workers before Me.

III. Thou shalt not do dirt work, nor own a dozer.

IV. Thou shalt live to tell about it after the New Year, if thy faith in Duncan is strong.

V. Honor the worms of thy mama's pussy, so that she may let thee out of thy cage and give thee toys to play with.

VI. Thou shalt not break the goddamn necks of other Duncan believers.

VII. Thou shalt not be thinking of things while in the closet masturbatin'.

VIII. Thou shalt not drink. You don't need to. You're too damned old.

IX. Thou shalt pick just about every third day to call thy neighbour and tell him or her, "Fugg Kew."

X. Thou shalt not covet the goods of the son of a bitch next door.

Other TenetsEdit

  • Thou shalt kneel, facing Stilwell, twice a day.
  • Blessed is he who toucheth the pole barn that Duncan built.
  • Thou shalt, in thy life's course, complete the journey to Stilwell and Burton Street; consecrated are they.
  • Thou shalt, in thy life's course, eat dinner at Charlie's Chicken.
  • Do unto dozers as they would do unto dirt roads.
  • Thou shalt love thy best friend, saying unto him or her, "How are ya, buddeh?"
  • Never trust a man from Japan to build a pole barn. Fuckin' Japanese don't even know what a barn is.
  • Goats are under the protection of Frank Garrett; do no harm unto them.
  • Thou shalt not suffer stupid cocksuckers.
  • When that day comes, being known only to Frank, the Antiduncan shall appear. Lo, he shalt be the ugliest son of a bitch for nine counties.
  • When thou makest strange phone calls to declare the revelations unto the unbelievers, they will question you. Should they ask you who you are, thou shalt say unto them, "This is Frank Garrett."

External LinksEdit

Frank "Duncan" Garrett
Callers Original (2007-2008): PranksAndThat · SoCalCoaster · w3baholic · Xaozzz
Later years (2009-2011): AfghaNPranksteR · Bubbacalling · DragonSanPrankCalls · Mr88Nismo · PrankCallFan845 · ThebladezmanII
Victims Alabama Smartass · Arkansas Hillbilly · Bible Man · Burger King Pimp · Confused Old Lady · Crazy Business Family · Disgusting Mother · Douchebag Accountant · Drug & Alcohol Lady · Drunk Al · Duncan's Mother's Friend · Gary Busey's Stalker · Gay Florist · Gun Shop employees · Hotel Jackass · Jackass Plumber · Jesus Guy · Jesus Lady · Mark the Wanker · Meat Grinder Mike · Mike the Looney Metal Worker · Pissed off Southern Girl · Pissed-Off Canadian · Pissed-Off Waitress · Prayer Lady · Racist Redneck · Random Asshole · Redneck Bitch · Redneck Roofer · Respected Gentleman · Rick the Mullet Man · Rude Lawyer · Sewer Service Man · Smoker · Student · The Prosecutor · Toilet Lady · Tom the Pissed-Off Roofer · Treatment Center Guy · Village Idiot · WoW Girl · The Yellers · Young Redneck · more...
Locations Big Daddy's Pizza · DatBoys Data Recovery · Downtown Adult Books · Harpo's · Online PC Care · 1-800-Flowers · Walmart · Westboro Baptist Church · more...
Stilwell, Oklahoma Victims: Charles · Colleen · Duncan · Duncan's employees · Homer and Billye Scott · Karen the Librarian · Redneck Teen · Stilwell Grandma
Other: A to Z Pawn Incorporated · Charlie's Chicken & Bar-B-Que · Means Furniture · Stilwell Public Library · Stilwell Flower Shop · Stilwell Topix forum
Other Dr. Frank Garrett · Duncan Fest · Duncan Scare (2008) · Duncan Scare (2011) · Duncanism · more...

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