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Joe Pesci calls the Harlem Barber

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Joe Pesci calls the Harlem Barber
Telephone ringing twn

Category

Celebrity Prank Call

Prank Caller

Soundboard(s) used

Joe Pesci

Victim

Harlem Barber, Harlem Barber's employees

Length

3:26

Joe Pesci calls one of Harlem Barber's employees and eventually talks to Harlem Barber about a refund.

TranscriptEdit

Call #1

[*phone rings*]
Harlem Barber's employee: Barbershop.
Joe Pesci: I've been tryin' to reach you, you're tougher to get than the President.
Harlem Barber's employee: Huh?
Joe Pesci: Get this through your head, you Jew motherfucker, you...! You only exist out here because of me!
Harlem Barber's employee: (pause) Who you talkin' to?
Joe Pesci: You said I'm bringin' heat on you? I gotta listen to people because of your fuckin' shit?! You're orderin' me out?! You better get your own fuckin' army, pal!
Harlem Barber's employee: Ok, you got the wrong number.
Joe Pesci: YOU KNOW I GET CALLS FROM BACK HOME EVERY FUCKIN' DAY, THEY THINK YOU WENT BAT-SHIT?!
Harlem Barber's employee: Yeah, I think you got the wrong number lady.
Joe Pesci: No?
Harlem Barber's employee: I think you have problems.
Joe Pesci: Be fuckin' nice.
Harlem Barber's employee: [*hangs up*]


Call #2

[*phone rings*]

Harlem Barber's employee: Yeah, Joe's Club.
Joe Pesci: Ya know, I didn't want to bring this up, but you been treatin' a lot of people with a lot of disrespect, even your own wife!
Harlem Barber's employee: Say what?!
Joe Pesci: And just about the time I'm coming out of jail, hopefully, you'll be coming out of your coma. And guess what? I'll split your fucking head open again.
Harlem Barber's employee: Listen, listen, listen you need somethin' to do.
Joe Pesci: 'Cause I'm fuckin' stupid. I don't give a fuck about jail.
Harlem Barber's employee: I'd say you got a problem.
Joe Pesci: You're fuckin' warned: don't ever go over my fuckin' head again!
Harlem Barber's employee: You got the wrong guy.
Joe Pesci: You motherfucker, you!
Harlem Barber's employee: Yeah, well I got mine that's worse than yours. You don't want to fuck with me.
Joe Pesci: If I were in your situation, I'd want to get through this whole thing-
Harlem Barber's employee: Yeah, don't call me no more.
Joe Pesci: -and with as little pain-
Harlem Barber's employee: [*hangs up*]
Joe Pesci: Hold on, peabrain.


Call #3

[*phone rings*]
Harlem Barber's employee: Yeah.
Joe Pesci: Don't worry about me. I spoke to your husband already.
Harlem Barber's employee: Spoke to who?
Joe Pesci: And don't worry about your home...it's in good hands. (pause) If you're acting like this-
Harlem Barber's employee: Well, everything's in good hands...
Joe Pesci: -now, how can I depend on you? (pause) I could use a good ass-kicking, I'll be very honest with you.
Harlem Barber's employee: Listen ... you ain't got nothin' to do tonight?
Joe Pesci: Yeah.
Harlem Barber's employee: Give me your number. Let me call you right back.
Joe Pesci: Thank you very very much.
Harlem Barber's employee: No, give me your number. I'm gonna' call you right back.
Joe Pesci: Alright. (pause) You know, I'm trying to put-
Harlem Barber's employee: Hey! I'm gonna' call you RIGHT BACK.
Joe Pesci: -something big together out here, you know what I'm talking about? Huh? You know.
Harlem Barber's employee: I got something for you to do.
Joe Pesci: Alright. (laughs)
Harlem Barber's employee: Give me your number. I'm gonna' call you RIGHT back.
Joe Pesci: You're SICK, you know that? (pause) You like to renegotiate-
Harlem Barber's employee: Yeah.
Joe Pesci: -as you go along, huh?
Harlem Barber's employee: Give me the number.
Joe Pesci: Cause' I'm fuckin' stupid.
Harlem Barber's employee: I got somethin' for ya'.
Joe Pesci: Good?
Harlem Barber's employee: Cause' you got nothin' to do. I got somethin' for you to do.
Joe Pesci: What?
Harlem Barber's employee: Yeah, that's right.
Joe Pesci: Excuse me, but I think a modicum of gratitude would not be out of line here.
Harlem Barber's employee: Yeah, 'cause I see you bored to death. You ain't got nothin' to do but fuck with people.
Joe Pesci: What the FUCK is your problem?
Harlem Barber's employee: You KNOW you ain't got nothin' to do.
Joe Pesci: If I was to kick the shit out of you .. do I get the money?
Harlem Barber's employee: You AIN'T got nothin' to do. (laughs) You know you ... you really have problems.
Joe Pesci: Where's your fuckin' balls?
Harlem Barber's employee: Yeah, well, I know one thing. Let me just make this clear to you. You don't make me mad. I can talk to you all night.
Joe Pesci: (laughs)
Harlem Barber's employee: 'Cause I know you need somebody to talk to. That's my job.
Joe Pesci: Alright.
Harlem Barber's employee: Yeah, my job. It's to talk to people like you.
Joe Pesci: Thank you very very much.
Harlem Barber's employee: Yeah, I'm gonna' help you. Keep talkin', I'm gonna' help you.
Joe Pesci: You know, I think you got the wrong impression about me.
Harlem Barber's employee: Yeah, ok. [*hangs up*]


Call #4

[*phone rings*]

Harlem Barber: Barbershop.
Joe Pesci: I think I want my money back.
Harlem Barber: (louder) Barbershop.
Joe Pesci: Hey, you fat Irish prick, you put my fucking money to sleep! You go get my money or I'll put your fucking brains to sleep!
Harlem Barber: Man, shut the hell up, you bitch ass motherfucker!  You always callin' with this fuckin' shit.            MAN UP, FAGGOT!!
Joe Pesci: I'm what counts out here!  Not your fuckin' country clubs or your fuckin' TV shows!
Harlem Barber: Won't you man up!  I'm tired of playin' games.  Man up, man.  Winner takes all.                            You win, you happy.  I win, I do the fuck I wanna' do.  I'mma stick my motherfuckin' crowbar up ya' ass, you faggot! [*hangs up*]
Joe Pesci: Get this through your head, you Jew motherfucker, you...!

Call #5 (final)

[*phone rings*]

Harlem Barber: Hello?
Joe Pesci: What the FUCK is your problem?
Harlem Barber: Oh, so you ain't got enough, faggot?!
Joe Pesci: If I was to kick the shit out of you ... do I get the money?
Harlem Barber: You ain't got enough, YOU FAGGOT?!
Joe Pesci: [unintelligible]
Harlem Barber: Boy, if I catch you man, I'm gonna' take the broom and stick this shit up your ass.  You think Abner Louima got beat up with that-that billyclub?  Wait until you see this broom, this broom's got razor blades, Im'ma cut your motherfuckin' heart out through your asshole, bitch!  You gonna be shittin' your heart out, faggot. [*hangs up*]


[*End of call*]

ReferencesEdit

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