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Original Drug & Alcohol Lady Prank Calls

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Original Drug & Alcohol Lady Prank Calls
Telephone ringing twn

Category

Prank Call

Prank Caller

Various

Soundboard(s) used

Duncan, Tom the Pissed Off Roofer, Drug & Alcohol Lady

Victim

Drug & Alcohol Lady

Length

8:19

The Drug & Alcohol Lady was originally prank called by Duncan and The Pissed-Off Roofer. She was later pranked by a soundboard of herself.

TranscriptEdit

Call #1

(Phone rings)
Drug & Alcohol Lady: Drug & Alcohol.
Tom: Hello.
Drug & Alcohol Lady: Hello?
Tom: Lemme tell you something, asshole. You called here three times in the last ten minutes, and I'm goddamn sick of it.
Drug & Alcohol Lady: (While Tom is talking) Excuse me, excuse me, excuse me, you don't call me an asshole.
Tom: Yeah. Yeah.
(Drug & Alcohol Lady hangs up)
Tom: Motherfucker.

Call #2

(Phone rings)
Drug & Alcohol Lady: Hello?
Tom: I don't know who you're talking to, and have no idea...why you call and call and call, but you're gonna have to stop.
Drug & Alcohol Lady: Uh-huh. Yes, I am. Cause I'm a fuckin' bitch.
Tom: (About the same time D & A Lady says "Yes, I am") Somebody must be callin' you and me, somehow on the same fuckin' numbers.
Drug & Alcohol Lady: (Sarcastically) Uh, right. Cause I'm a fuckin' bitch.
Tom: Yeah, motherfucker. Cocksucker.
Drug & Alcohol Lady: Motherfucker, fuckin' bitch.
Tom:' And I've already called 'em. They're after you, and they're gonna get you eventually.
Drug & Alcohol Lady: They're gonna get me WHAT!?
Tom: The police are gonna get you.
Drug & Alcohol Lady: The what?
Tom: You fucked up this time, I got your goddamn cell phone number.
Drug & Alcohol Lady: You got my cell phone number!?
Tom: Yeah.
Drug & Alcohol Lady: You're nuts!
Tom: Huh?
Drug & Alcohol Lady: You're nuts!
Tom: Cocksucker.
Drug & Alcohol Lady: I don't know who--I don't---cocksucker, yeah, right---I don't know who you're callin'.
Tom: I wish I could get my hands on you, that's all I'm sayin'.
Drug & Alcohol Lady: I wish you would get your hands on me, honey. Because I'll tell you what (at the same time, Tom says "go fuck yourself, you asshole"), I'll tell you what. You know what? You're being traced, so how are you gonna like that?
Tom: I said I'll kick your fuckin' ass, motherfucker.
Drug & Alcohol Lady: I wish you would kick my fuckin' ass, motherfucker! C'mon and do it now, cause I'm waiting for you. Come on down, brother, bring it on.
Tom: (while D & A Lady says "c'mon and do it now, cause I'm waiting for you") Somebody must be callin' you and me, somehow on the same fuckin' numbers.
Drug & Alcohol Lady: Same how the same fuckin' numbers, I don't know what you're talkin' about because you're callin' Drug & Alcohol, ain't nobody callin' you.
Tom: This is ANS Roofing.
Drug & Alcohol Lady: This is what?
Tom: This is ANS Roofing.
Drug & Alcohol Lady: This is ANS Roofing?
Tom: Yeah.
Drug & Alcohol Lady: Well what are you cussin' me for?
Tom: I don't call you, you asshole, you call me!
Drug & Alcohol Lady: You're--No, something's the matter here. You called before and called the other operator a bitch and everything, now this has got to stop.
Tom: Huh?
Drug & Alcohol Lady: What are you calling Drug & Alcohol for?
Tom: This is Tom, who're you tryin' to call?
Drug & Alcohol Lady: Why are you calling under Drug & Alcohol?
Tom: Who're you tryin' to call!?
Drug & Alcohol Lady: You are!
Tom: Don't call here no more, motherfucker.
Drug & Alcohol Lady: I'm not--mother fuck yourself, because I don't call you! You're calling Drug & Alcohol! This is Drug & Alcohol!
Tom: Cocksucker.
Drug & Alcohol Lady: Cocksucker, go ahead! Go ahead and give it to me more honey, because guess what? You're bein' taped every word you say.
Tom: Well, we'll see.
Drug & Alcohol Lady: So come on, bring it on.
Tom: Well, we'll se--
Drug & Alcohol Lady: (interrupting) Bring it on!
Tom: Go fuck yourself, you asshole.
Drug & Alcohol Lady: Oh, fuck myself in my asshole, might feel pretty damn good. Bring it on, c'mon, you're bein' taped!
Tom: If you're talkin' to me, you can go fuck yourself.
Drug & Alcohol Lady: Good, thank you.
Tom: Lemme tell you something, asshole. You called here three times in the last ten minutes, and I'm goddamn sick of it.
Drug & Alcohol Lady: I did what, excuse me? I did what?
Tom: Motherfucker.
Drug & Alcohol Lady: (Laughs) Think it won't be too funny when the cops get ahold of you.
Tom: (At the same time) Who're you talking to?
(D & A Lady hangs up again)

Call #3

(Phone rings)
Duncan: Hello?
Drug & Alcohol Lady: Hello?
Duncan: What's happening?
Drug & Alcohol Lady: Drug & Alcohol.
Duncan: How are you?
Drug & Alcohol Lady: Hello?
Duncan: I'm doin' alright, how are you?
Drug & Alcohol Lady: I'm alright, how are you?
Duncan: I'm just fine.
Drug & Alcohol Lady: Do you need to talk to someone on Drug & Alcohol?
Duncan: Yes.
Drug & Alcohol Lady: What's the problem?
Duncan: I don't drink.
Drug & Alcohol Lady: You don't drink?
Duncan: You stupid motherfucker.
Drug & Alcohol Lady: Hey, listen, I'm gonna tell you one more time and I'm not gonna tell you anymore. I can trace this phone to you, and you'll be going to the police station, so you better hang up and stop it! Don't call no more, or you're done.
Duncan: Do what? Bitch.
(Drug & Alcohol Lady hangs up)

Call #4

(Phone rings)
Drug & Alcohol Lady: Drug & Alcohol.
Drug & Alcohol Lady Soundboard: Hello?
Drug & Alcohol Lady: Hello?
Drug & Alcohol Lady Soundboard: What's the problem?
Drug & Alcohol Lady: What's the problem? There's no problem whatsoever.
Drug & Alcohol Lady Soundboard: You're--no, something's the matter here.
Drug & Alcohol Lady: Wha--what do you mean what's the matter, ma'am?
Drug & Alcohol Lady Soundboard: Well wha--what are you cussin' me for?
Drug & Alcohol Lady: What? What are you calling for, ma'am, do you have a problem?
Drug & Alcohol Lady Soundboard: I don't know who you're callin'.
Drug & Alcohol Lady: I've never called anybody. You're calling me, I don't know who you are, you don't know who I am, and I don't know who you're supposed to be calling, but you better get the right number.
Drug & Alcohol Lady Soundboard: Why are you calling under Drug & Alcohol?
(Drug & Alcohol Lady hangs up)

Call #5

(Phone rings)
Drug & Alcohol Lady: Hello?
Drug & Alcohol Lady Soundboard: Bring it on, motherfucker! (Pause) C'mon and do it now, cause I'm waitin' for you!
Drug & Alcohol Lady: What's the problem here?
Drug & Alcohol Lady Soundboard: Bring it on, c'mon, you're bein' taped!
Drug & Alcohol Lady: What is the problem here, ma'am?
Drug & Alcohol Lady Soundboard: What are you callin' Drug & Alcohol for?
Drug & Alcohol Lady: What?! You--you're the person callin' Drug & Alcohol.
Drug & Alcohol Lady Soundboard: Why are you calling under Drug & Alcohol?
Drug & Alcohol Lady: You are the person calling Drug & Alcohol. Do you know what number you're dialing?
Drug & Alcohol Lady Soundboard: What!?
Drug & Alcohol Lady: Do you know what number you're dialing?
Drug & Alcohol Lady Soundboard: Uh-huh.
(Drug & Alcohol Lady hangs up)
Drug & Alcohol Lady Soundboard: Excuse me?

Call #6

(Phone rings)
Drug & Alcohol Lady: Hello?
Drug & Alcohol Lady Soundboard: You called before and called the other operator a bitch and everything, now this has got to stop.
Drug & Alcohol Lady: Excuse me?
Drug & Alcohol Lady Soundboard: I'm not--mother fuck yourself, because I don't call you!
Drug & Alcohol Lady: Well, we don't call you either. You call me, I can't call you. You call me every time and cuss me out and that's not right.
Drug & Alcohol Lady Soundboard: I'm not--mother fuck yourself, because I don't call you!
Drug & Alcohol Lady: Oh, excuse me, I don't know who you're callin' then.
Drug & Alcohol Lady Soundboard: Bring it on!
Drug & Alcohol Lady: Bring it on! Come on and bring it on, baby! Bring it on.
Drug & Alcohol Lady Soundboard: Motherfucker
(Drug & Alcohol Lady hangs up)

Call #7

(Phone rings)
Drug & Alcohol Lady Soundboard: Hello?
Drug & Alcohol Lady: Hello?
Drug & Alcohol Lady Soundboard: Hello?
Drug & Alcohol Lady: Hello?
Drug & Alcohol Lady Soundboard: Bring it on, c'mon, you're bein' ta--
Drug & Alcohol Lady: (Interrupting) Bring it on, come on and bring it on.
Drug & Alcohol Lady Soundboard: Why are you calling under Drug & Alco--
Drug & Alcohol Lady: (Interrupting) Listen! Listen! Will you please listen to me?
Drug & Alcohol Lady Soundboard: I did what, excuse me?
Drug & Alcohol Lady: Excuse me, but you're callin' me.
Drug & Alcohol Lady Soundboard: What?
Drug & Alcohol Lady: I don't know if you know what number you're calling, but you're calling continuously. You've called ten times, cause every time it's recorded. Ten times.
Drug & Alcohol Lady Soundboard: What!?
Drug & Alcohol Lady: Uh, that is right. I've got the recording here, it's ten times you called us.
Drug & Alcohol Lady Soundboard: I don't know who you're callin'.
Drug & Alcohol Lady: I don't know who you're callin', you don't know either.
Drug & Alcohol Lady Soundboard: Well, wha--what--what are you cussin' me for?
(Drug & Alcohol Lady hangs up)

Call #8

(Phone rings)
Drug & Alcohol Lady: Drug & Alcohol.
Drug & Alcohol Lady Soundboard: What's the problem?
Drug & Alcohol Lady: There's no problem on this end. What's you're problem?
Drug & Alcohol Lady Soundboard: You're--No, something's the matter here.
Drug & Alcohol Lady: Well, there is something the matter. You're calling and pestering everybody.
Drug & Alcohol Lady Soundboard: Same how the same fuckin' numbers, I don't know what you're talkin' abou--
Drug & Alcohol Lady: (Interrupting) Well, you don't know what you're talking about because nobody's calling you, we've never called you. You're calling us.
Drug & Alcohol Lady Soundboard: What are you calling Drug & Alcohol for?
Drug & Alcohol Lady: You're calling Drug & Alcohol. You are the one calling Drug & Alcohol, ma'am.
Drug & Alcohol Lady Soundboard: I did what, excuse me?
Drug & Alcohol Lady: Excuse me.
Drug & Alcohol Lady Soundboard: You got my cell phone number!?
Drug & Alcohol Lady: Excuse me.
Drug & Alcohol Lady Soundboard: You're nuts.
Drug & Alcohol Lady: No, I don't think I'm nuts.
Drug & Alcohol Lady Soundboard: Oh, fuck myself in my asshole, might feel pretty damn good.

Drug & Alcohol Lady: Well, go right ahead and do what you've gotta do, honey.
Drug & Alcohol Lady Soundboard: You called before and called the other operator a bitch and everything, now this has got to stop.
Drug & Alcohol Lady: Yes it has--it's got to stop because you're harassin'.
Drug & Alcohol Lady Soundboard: Bring it on, c'mon, you're bein taped!
Drug & Alcohol Lady: You're harassing people.
Drug & Alcohol Lady Soundboard: C'mon and do it now, cause I'm waitin--(is cut off)
(Drug & Alcohol Lady hangs up)

Call #9

(Phone rings)
Drug & Alcohol Lady: Drug & Alcohol.
Duncan: I don't have to hide behind a goddamn telephone to aggravate people at 7:00 in the morning.
Drug & Alcohol Lady: What's wrong?
Duncan: I don't even advertise in Texas, how'd you get my name?
Drug & Alcohol Lady: What?
Duncan: What do you need done?
Drug & Alcohol Lady: Who are you calling?
Duncan: This is about the fourth call you've made today.
Drug & Alcohol Lady: We've made no calls.
Duncan: Bitch.
Drug & Alcohol Lady: No, we're not a bitch. It takes one to know one.
Duncan: Ya dumb shit!
(Drug & Alcohol Lady hangs up)

Call #10
(Phone rings)
Drug & Alcohol Lady: Hello? State Police.
Tom: Lemme tell you something, asshole. You called here three times in the last ten minutes, and I'm goddamn sick of it. I wish I had someplace I could get my hands on ya, that's all I can tell you.
(Drug & Alcohol Lady hangs up)

Call #11 (final)

(Phone rings)
Drug & Alcohol Lady: Hello?
Duncan: Fuck you!
Drug & Alcohol Lady: Hello?
Duncan: You got something better to do than fuck with me?
Drug & Alcohol Lady: Hello?
Duncan: I don't have to...hide behind a goddamn telephone to aggravate people at 7:00 in the morning.
Drug & Alcohol Lady: Is there a problem?
Duncan: S'what I'm thinkin', you ignorant son of a bitch, you.
Drug & Alcohol Lady: Is there a problem?
Duncan: Yeah.
Drug & Alcohol Lady: What's the problem?
Duncan: This is about the fourth call you've made today.
Drug & Alcohol Lady: Well, I think you've made about ten.
Duncan: No, it's the third one, you dumb shit.
Drug & Alcohol Lady: I advise you to quit bothering and pestering and accusing people.
Duncan: Do what?
Drug & Alcohol Lady: No one's calling you.
Duncan: Fuck you!
Drug & Alcohol Lady: Well, we'll have the police call you.
Duncan: You dumb shit.
Drug & Alcohol Lady: Well, I have it recorded, I'll have the police call you.
Duncan: I don't give a shit.
(Drug & Alcohol Lady hangs up)
Duncan: You stupid motherfucker.

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