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Bill Cole, better known as the Jackass Plumber, is one of the most renowned soundboard victims due to his longevity as a prank call victim, as well as his often profane and unabashedly controversial responses. Quotes in this article are grouped into various sections by theme, although several can also fall under more than one such category.

QuotesEdit

The following is a partial list of notable quotes by the victim. You can help expand it by contributing to the article.

Homophobia and Speech ImpedimentsEdit

  • "GET THE DICK OUT YOUR MOUTH!!"
  • "GET THAT DICK OUTTA YOUR MOUTH, AND QUIT STUTTERIN'!"
  • "[muffled] Get the cock out your mouth, motherfucker!"
  • "You stutterin' motherfucker!"
  • "Can't even fuckin' carry on a conversation... cause you're a cocksucker!"
  • "Hey, get the cock outta your mouth! You're stuttering too much, motherfucker."
  • "Get the dick outta your mouth, and speak up like a real motherfuckin' man! You saw it done on TV once."
  • (when referring to New York) "Oh, man, there ain't nothin' but faggots up there!"
  • "Get a job! Not one sucking cock, but just a regular job!"
  • "I'd call you a dirty cocksucker, but we both know you'll suck any cock!"
  • "You sound like a homosexual."
  • "You have homosexual tendencies?"
  • "Hey, don't talk about your buddy sittin' there, holding your dick in his hand."
  • "You gonna lick my asshole!?"
  • "HAHAHAHA!! You're an asshole-licker, ain't ya?"
  • How about I put you under, uh, "Cocksucker Anonymous?"
  • "Listen, you... Motherfucker, if they had a website, 'Cocksuckers Anonymous', you'd be on that all day long, wouldn't you?"
  • "Eating worms and takin' it up the ass; ain't you about a cocksucker? goddamn! HAHAHA!!"
  • "Go on, spit that dick out. Yeah, there you go!"
  • "Is that before or after your boyfriend pulls his dick out of your ass?"

Homelessness and UnemploymentEdit

  • "Are you a broke homeless motherfucker, or what?"
  • "What part of the woods do you live in? HAHAHAHAHAHA!!"
  • "You're a fuckin' homeless motherfucker."
  • "Are you living in a trash can, or just under a bridge... or just under a rock?"
  • (Upon the above line being used on him) "You're the one that's living under the rock, motherfucker - behind the trash can."
  • "(You've) Got no motherfuckin' friends. Probably don't even have a house to live in; probably living in somebody else's house or a motel."
  • "You're a homeless motherfuckin' retard!"
  • "Having a sign around around your neck that says, "Will suck cock for a burger' doesn't mean that you're fuckin' employed."
  • [Referring to his soundboard and Rick as separate people] "Yeah, you're both cocksucking, swivel-sucking motherfuckers."
  • "If you spent this much fuckin' time on Monster.com finding yourself a fuckin' job, you wouldn't have time to be fucking around on a computer."
  • "You homeless fuckin' fuck. You unemployed, homeless fuck... You unemployed, homeless FUCK!"'
  • "BWAHAHAHAHAHA!! You are a homeless, unemployed, motherfuckin' retard, aren't ya?"
  • "Hey, you're living under a bridge, ain't ya?"

Racism, Jail, and PromiscuityEdit

  • "You're a nasty ho'!"
  • "Cum-guzzling, gutter trash, slut bitch."
  • "You're an unemployed, homeless, non-skilled, fuckin' ILLegal, wetback, nigger-dick sucking motherfucker, ain't ya?"
  • "What's up, my nigga?"
  • "I'm lookin' for a...uh...Chinese Slut."
  • (on chinese women) "I thought they all were sluts! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"
  • "You wanna know how nasty your mother is? Your mother is so nasty, that she was sucking dick last night before she kissed you good night for bed! That's how nasty your mother is, and that's how nasty YOU are bitch! Shut up!"
  • (in response to one of the Yankee Tough Guy's quotes) "We lost the war because you're all a bunch of nigger lovers!"
  • "When you were in jail the last time, and those four niggers went up in you... did you like it?"
  • "If we were in jail, I'd be selling you, punk!" [2009]
  • "Motherfucker, when I go to jail, and you go to jail, I won't sell you to the niggers - I'll GIVE you to them." [2011]

Encouraging SuicideEdit

  • "Drink a bottle of Drano and call me in the morning."
  • "Did you drink that bottle of Drano?"
  • "Kill yourself! Go ahead, I dare ya."
  • "You're so worthless, you can't even kill yourself; that's how stupid you are."
  • "Nobody cares about you!"
  • "You're callin' me to see if I care about you, let me explain to you, I don't care about you! go ahead and kill yourself!"
  • "You still didn't kill yourself. You're a coward, you're worthless, and you're lazy. I mean, come on, now; nobody cares about you, if you live or die, so kill yourself and make everybody happy!"
  • "Hey, since you don't have anyone else to talk to, okay? Go ahead and stick that gun in your mouth, and pull the trigger."

"Bitch"Edit

  • "I'm a pussy? I'M A PUSSY?!? I fucked your mom's pussy, bitch! You're the fuckin' goddamn shit that was left over when I pulled my dick out of her cunt, motherfucker, dripping down her leg."
  • "Shut the fuck up, bitch!"
  • "I SAID SHUT THE FUCK UP, BITCH!!!"
  • "Bitch!! I have had enough of you motherfuckers!!!"
  • "What's up? You can't even talk shit, you little bitch!"
  • "Bitch! shut the fuck up! You ain't got a cock, you're a bitch! You ain't nothin' but a punk motherfuckin' dick sucker! SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!
  • "I'll call you BITCH, motherfucker!!"
  • (when told by the soundboard of himself that the Government is coming for him) "They're coming for you, bitch!"
  • "Call somebody else and whine on their shoulders, you motherfucker."
  • "Quit fucking whining, bitch! man up!"
  • "Yeah, man up, bitch!"
  • "You called me, bitch; don't act stupid, now!"
  • "Bitch, I don't see you calling me... or knocking on my door, motherfuckin' punk!"
  • "HOOSIER?!? Bitch, are you outta your mothafuckin' mind?"

MiscellaneousEdit

  • "I'm watching you, you motherfucker. You hear that? Yeah, you hear that?!? Look behind you, motherfucker!
  • "HAHAHAHAHAHA!!"
  • [As Rick's soundboard yells over him] SHUT THE FUCK UP!!! YOU CAN'T EVEN CALL ME FROM A REAL PHONE NUMBER?!?!
  • "What's the matter? You got no one to talk to? Ain't nobody proud of you? Ain't nobody willing to be your motherfuckin' friend? Well, then PAY SOMEONE! BECAUSE I AIN'T YOUR MOTHERFUCKIN' FRIEND!!"
  • "This is the Plumber, who's this?"
  • "Hey, I've got a question for you."
  • "What state do you live in?"
  • "If a man and a woman... or rather a husband and wife... leave... Arkansas... and they move to Texas... to get a divorce... are they still sister and brother?"
  • "I will download you... a virus... on to your computer... would you like that?"
  • "Somebody been stepping on your nuts, motherfucker?"
  • "When you walk, do you got a little bit of a swoosh to your walk?"
  • "You swoosh when you walk, too, don't ya?"
  • "You guys are annoyin' the shit outta me!"
  • "Hey! I'm not playin' your games no more!" - after finding out about his YouTube fame
  • "Yeah? Well, who gives a fuck? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" Note: This was the first utterance of his trademark laugh since before he learned of his YouTube fame.
  • "Now, did you hear me, motherfucker? Did you motherfuckin' hear me?!"
  • [In a sing-song voice, like that of an educational children's toy] "A-S-S-H-O-L-E. That is a name for you!"
  • "Alright, that's it, motherfucker! How 'bout I just hire a shitload of motherfuckers to put viruses in your computers?!"
  • "You don't need to know where I fuckin' live, retard!"
  • "Look, I'm not findin' this motherfuckin' a bit funny! And it's illegal to keep harassin' me!"
  • "Shut the fuck up!"
  • "You know what?! Your ass is on...YouTube...prank calls! Under 'Jackass "fuckin'" Plumber!' Now, when I go to that website, and find who's checked into it, I could put a virus into there...and wipe your computer out! Now you wanna keep playin', motherfucker?!"
  • "Yeah right, your ass don't shit fuckin' buttermilk, neither, huh, motherfucker?"
  • (when asked how old he was) "I'm old, motherfucker."
  • "Then quit harrasin' me, ya retard."
  • "You ain't got no fuckin' brains! HAHAHA!!"
  • "You already fuck your mother! We all do!"
  • "You can't whoop no ass, you gotta grow up first."
  • "Quit wastin' time on the computer talkin' shit, ya know, it's just not proper."
  • "You need to grow up and find some friends to talk to."
  • "Find some friends to talk to!"
  • "Hey! I ain't playin' your fuckin' game!"
  • "Speak up where you got fucked last."
  • "You know what? Who gives a fuck what you've got to say, you coward?"
  • "*Burp*"
  • "When I get your address... or your IPO number, motherfucker, trust me - you WILL meet me."
  • "Don't call me this weekend; I have off this weekend [Christmas]. Shut the fuck up, ya fuckin' loser."

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